Pain

I thought this article was interesting, and am inclined this way myself. Current values in society tend to believe we should avoid and be free of pain and difficulty as much as possible, but this keeps us in the same place. It’s a growth-less position to take.

I was summarily dumped last year and, while it was really painful and I’m still left hanging and unresolved, it has been a remarkable gift and learning experience too, forcing me to master those things I felt I needed from my partner. It gets a bit complex when you have something like cancer and you rely on them, but even there, it’s possible to do your best with the situation as it is. So I became stronger as a result. It was a struggle, but also, seen from another viewpoint, it was a gift of love. It’s okay to let it bleed.

Some people have called me brave, for things I’ve done. But it’s not really like that. As this article mentions, you get to master life and its challenges by taking it on and going into it – the author uses the analogy of weight training and increasing the weights you lift. Former challenges become easier because you get used to bigger ones. And this is what hones the soul.

Once you’ve had a gun pointing at you, it gets easier when someone else points a gun at you again, and you realise you can get through the situation, even with a smile. That’s not really bravery – it’s just getting used to life and wading a bit deeper in. A bit like Brits’ attitudes toward British weather, or Yemenis’ or Ukrainians’ approach to life in their countries – and some people choose to go into the fray rather than to run. Or a bit like the work (‘labour’) a woman goes through to give birth – if you run from it, though that’s understandable, you might miss something, something about life itself.

In a sense, life is a preparation for the moment of our death. Death is not usually painful, but it does involve facing stuff – not least facing our incapacity to do anything much about the situation or to change anything, which is a choiceless choice to face. But even so, we have a choice to take what comes, or we can try fighting it.

Therein lies the choice. In the end, that’s where freedom resides. Because if you’ve grappled with something, you don’t have to carry the pain and fear of the prospect of having that something come at you and stop you in your tracks. That’s a kind of pain that comes even when you’re not experiencing it. It’s rooted in fear. A comfortable, safe life is not necessarily the best kind of life to have.

The author of the article provides a good strategy for dealing with the difficulties we face – about the incremental drawing of lines, and about facing the reason we’re in such a situation, rather than either letting it oppress us or running from it.

https://bigthink.com/neuropsych/no-pain-free-options-choose-most-empowering/